It is the halfway mark of Ramadan, the point where the exhaustion is high and the thoughts of how to plan for Eid are in my head. Will Duck Donuts be open, how do we make sure my parents see Zakaria's joy at opening up their gift to him? I then realize that I will make it work, even if it is my first Eid as a single mother and I won't be able to ask if my daughter wants me to do her mehndi.
It is also that point in Ramadan where I have figured out how to keep myself occupied. I have jumped on the Brene Brown bandwagon and her podcast "Unlocking Us" has spoken to me in a way I wasn't aware was possible. Don't get me wrong, in between allowing myself the "permission to feel" and truly soaking in the beauty of these podcasts, I also know I need to make sure to bake some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies to scarf down at sunset. Yes, I realize you might have some strong opinions on white chocolate but I am a fan...once in awhile.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day, my second without my beautiful Hadi. I think back to my days at NIH with Hadi and one particular moment when Hadi knew I was sad and he sweetly looked at me and said, "Mommy, we have spent a lot of time together, you can talk to me." Oh, Hadi Bear, thank you for saying that and allowing me to still talk to you. Zakaria woke up this morning asking if today was Mother's Day. A few months ago, that sweet boy asked for my credit card and told me to step aside while he took my friends to help him pick out some gifts for me for Mother's Day. So, Hadi, I appreciate you also still talking to Zakaria. Much love, my first born...well, by a minute.