I carried twins to term and I endured watching my child intubated yet returning a RedBox movie scares me. What if I don't put it in right? What if I screw up the disc and the machine and then nobody will be able to rent movies! The struggle is real y'all. Y'all...when did I start using that word and no, Aamir, I do not agree that y'all is singular and all y'all is plural. I just looked at Hadi's Flashes of Hope pictures and I said to Zakaria, "I miss him". Zakaria nodded and then proceeded to discuss something from the Emoji movie. What in the world did this kid watch while I was with Hadi? Thanksgiving...oh, Thanksgiving. When I was first pregnant with the twins and we had just moved into this house, I mentioned that I was sad we wouldn't be able to watch the Macy's parade because we hadn't moved over a tv...well, Aamir of course went back to our Reston condo and brought over a tv. I still am not quite sure why I love the parade so much...I also think there is more and more skin and less and less talent. No, I am not a curmudgeon. I actually am thinking about all the little moments of joy and enlightenment from today. "And there is no box to put people in who have lost a child...because how do you described the gratitude coupled with the immense sense of loss?"-Shazia Imam and then from another Aplastic Anemia Warrior Mother-"There has been so many sunbeams around today and they made me think of Hadi. My kids and I always say that the sunbeams are those who are saying hello to us from heaven." It is through statements like those that make me realize the importance of watching the beauty of the leaves falling and the strength of the wind. I kinda like to think that Hadi is actually letting us know he is pleased we aren't frying a turkey this year as he would always run away from the fryer and watch from afar. Ya know what I am pleased about? No freaking ugly yellow hospital gowns and hearing at least three different restrictions on who is required to wear them. The comment from today that I think has made me really think a lot was from Hadi and Zakaria's old nanny. "Your boys really taught me how to love people." I truly hated those hospital gowns but the nurses who wore them and were genuinely happy to take care of Hadi and watching him interact with them taught me so much about love.
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