I looked at a collage of Hadi that I put together and there was suddenly an aching feeling that I was starting to forget him. I then reminded myself there are parts of my Hadi that only I, his mother, can remember. How I would assign him five pages to read and then a bit later, he would hand me the book and said...finished. But not just with the five pages but with the whole book and he would smile his tricky Hadi smile when I said I was so proud of him. By the way, the Star Wars Academy books are pretty awesome. I picked out my outfit for tomorrow and realized it was the same outfit I wore at his funeral. Then I realized that tomorrow is actually 5 months since we buried my beautiful son.
I went to MOM's Organic Market and bought some oatmeal and then picked up some zabihah chicken. When, oh when, will I be able to walk into a zabihah butcher shop and not wish I had a clothespin for my nose? Aamir has been zabihah his whole life and so it is easier just to go along but man, seeing the nicely clean and nice smelling organic meat at other places makes me wonder what being zabihah truly means. And no, I don't want you to tell me.
Anyway, somehow on my way home, I started thinking about attending engagement parties and I allowed the tears to come down as I realized I won't get to tell Hadi that I am perfectly fine with him wearing sneakers with his sherwani (well, if his fiance is cool with it). Grief, oh how I wish I understood you. I woke up this morning knowing it would be a hard today but only if I could know exactly when the emotions will get to a boiling point.
In other news, the gum grafting is healing nicely but I will admit that I kinda feel like I have a wad of chew in my lower lip. And no, just because I am from Kansas and enjoy baseball, I have never had chew...I am just assuming this is what it feels like.