I started to realize that next Wednesday will be two years since we said goodbye to Hadi when I heard a helicopter above while I was praying. Two years and while sometimes it feels like ages ago that I was telling the overnight NIH doctor that we didn't need to culture all three lines, other times, I forget that I don't need to pick out two Halloween costumes. Zakaria is with his father this Halloween and so it looks like I will be wearing his BB-8 outfit. I must say, it's a pretty funny image.
The apartment needs to be cleared out by October 20th. I stopped by today and looked around and thought how that apartment saw me through my divorce as well as me leaving a toxic work environment. I am pretty sure the people below us are happy that they don't have to hear Zakaria's Minecraft battles or banjo playing anymore but Cascades Overlook will always have a special place in my heart. You know what else has a special place in my heart? My house. Alhumdullilah, I am sitting in my office and as I stare at my candles (a stress relief one from Bath and Body Works and one that smells like cherry blossoms and says, "girl, you need to calm the f down," I recognize how truly glad I am that the art piece I had made by Aadil Abedi is a rising phoenix and that I chose "la halwa wala quwatta illa billa" to be written into it. There is no power or might except with God.
My house caught on fire on October 12th last year, 9 days before the year anniversary of Hadi returning to God. I remember sitting in between my parents at the remembrance event with Zakaria in my lap and thinking how much love and support I had. I planned to do the event at my house but God had other plans. To the couple who opened their house for me, to the Jayhawk who made sure there were Hadi balloons, to the beautiful dua...looks like there are some onions in this house. ;) I am honestly not sure what my plans are for October 21st. Zakaria and I will visit Hadi's grave and Zakaria has already said he will be ready with many huggies for me. It's amazing to be back in my neighborhood and I will most likely make some Cyclops cookies (one of Hadi's favorites) and individually wrap them while wearing gloves and a mask and maybe throw them at my neighbors as they walk by our house? I also love Cyclops cookies because my brother and I used to make them back in Topeka and yes, I love this house but that house has some pretty awesome memories as well.
Watching your child battle aplastic anemia and not being able to fix it all has been the toughest challenge of my life. That being said, October 21st is two years and then November 3rd is election day. Figuring out how I will handle the grief and stress is going to be quite the challenge. So, my first request to you is: VOTE, the second is to squeeze your kiddos, yes, even though you have to deal with distance learning. I know Hadi is schooling everyone in math up in Jannah but I kinda just wish I could hear his voice tell me he completed his assignment in two minutes just one more time. Thirdly, if you are inclined and able to do so, please donate to: