Updated: Mar 7, 2019
“Come here, my little coconut”. That’s what my old boss said to me at his house when I was there to offer condolences after his son passed away. I had explained to him that the term was sometimes used to describe someone brown on the outside but white on the inside. A stupid term really. I remember him speaking at the funeral and wondering how he could speak so eloquently. I apparently spoke at Hadi’s gravesite and yeah...no freaking clue how I did and I am not sure if it was eloquent. A few days after the funeral, I received the sweetest email from a friend (who also had lost a son) commenting how he admired how Aamir and I showed love and attention to Leena and Zakaria during the burial. I smiled because it is those two who know how to comfort me. We watched Leena‘s beautiful orchestra recital last week and on the way home, I asked Zakaria jf he thought Hadi would have liked watching the performance and he calmly said, “he was watching.” He then went on to ask a question about his Switch and Aamir and I just smiled at our lovely and wise Zakaria.
I drove into DC today to meet with an old coworker and I thought about my 21 year old self. How in a few years, I will have lived in the DC area longer than I did in Kansas. I thought about how I got used to the metro and waking up to see the cherry blossoms at sunrise and then going into my office on H Street. I am not sure where I am going with this post but I am at Zakaria’s tutoring place and tears are running down my cheeks and I am trying to figure out what triggered them (yes, because it is me and I have to have a reason, ya know, because I can’t just burst into tears because my son is no longer on this earth). Alas, at least Hadi got to see KU and can’t tease me for KU losing to Oklahoma last night...though lets be real, I can hear his voice in my head saying...Oklahoma, Oklahoma.