I want to be stargazing in Zambia. I want to be hiking in Ireland. I want to run through the KU Campanile. These are the thoughts that go through my head as I watch Zakaria take over most of our queen sized bed. It reminds me of when Hadi would sprawl over me in his hospital bed. It also reminds me of when Aamir would squeeze in on the side of Hadi’s bed and eventually made a permanent indent. It’s odd realizing it has been two years since our journey with aplastic anemia began. September 2017. I am not sure I have ever focused on Hadi being admitted to the NIH on September 21st and returning to Allah (SWT) on October 21st.
An aplastic anemia warrior mama brought me a pumpkin latte today from Cold Spoon and it was amazing. They use actual pumpkin. The thing is, I used to have a strict rule about no pumpkin stuff before October but I broke that rule and it felt pretty good.
We have a picture of Hadi next to the healing garden and I often talk to him. Zakaria has recently taken to hugging the picture. The child is resilient but hearing him say, “yeah” when I said, “ya miss him, huh?” really made my heart ache.
I attended the wedding of a beautiful friend today. She looked amazing and her groom was sweet in talking about her, but it was her son’s speech and obvious joy that his mother was happy that had Zakaria turning around to make sure I was ok while crying.
I have a work event in DC tomorrow. The fact that I would rather stay home and actually try to learn about Thanos is very odd. Wait, that was Josh Brolin?